Hens and Godmothers

It was my hen party this weekend - blimey the final milestone before the big day!

My sister had arranged that all my friends come and visit my new house and stay over for the weekend, and we booked a table in a local restaurant in Knutsford, warning them that we were 10 exciteable hens!

I was so excited to see everyone as I havent seen any of them since we moved, and most of them I hadn't seen for a good few weeks before that even.

My sister and I had had a sister night-in a few weekends before when my partner had had all his stags round, and we had decided that weekend that we would have a fairy godmother theme, with each fairy blessing me with a different virtue.

All sorts of plans and preparations went into it on everyone's parts and I was actually quite nervous to see everyone!!
Some of the hens magically transforming into Fairy Godmothers!!!






Fairy Godmothers of Wealth, Humour and Love!







Fairy Godmothers of Success and Family!









Fairy Godmothers of Happiness, Beauty and Luck!







And me!!!!








And then karaoke!!!




So now only 2 1/2 weeks to go - yikes!

My friends really made me feel a lot better about it all and now I am only looking forward to it and won't think of anyone else except me and my Groom!

Thanks Hens! xxx

A little ray of sunshine

This weekend just gone we went to Poland for my partner's best friend's wedding. We were really quite excited about it really as we thought how lovely it would be to escape the not so great British summer and get a bit of sun before the wedding. We also rather enjoy a Polish wedding with all their food, drink and games and the fact that their weddings generally go on until last man standing.
And sure enough, the wedding was lovely - so relaxed, so unpretentious.
We both were amazed as we drove through the streets of Warsaw, that outside of every church, of which there are many, was not just one wedding party, but several, almost forming a queue!
There were rows of limousines and fancy cars either waiting for the couple inside the church, waiting for the couple outside the church still to go in and get married, or waiting with the next couple to go and wait outisde the church.
Brides were literally passing each other on the street!!
We got to the church that we were headed for, and quite bizarely I thought, were our friends, the Bride and Groom, standing together, being photographed, waiting to go inside the church.
They also were waiting for the previous service to end.
I found it so strange that they waited together outside, and then, when we eventually all went inside the church, the bride waited outside and then walked up the aisle to meet her groom at the altar.
Equally strange I thought was the fact that after the ceremony, the bride and groom hopped into their car, which was parked down the street, and drove themselves to the reception.
Now, they weren't on a budget and in fact they hired a really grand restaurant in the middle of a popular park for their reception, so I just wondered why they hadn't hired a car or anything to drive them.
Anyway, the meal was not so typically polish. Instead of a free-for-all where you sit wherever you like in a horse-shoe of tables, and then help yourself to the platters that are brought to your table throughout the evening, there were about 10 round tables with a seating plan, and we were served a 4 course meal. Very English!
As soon as the meal was over, the Bride went missing, only to return to the party in a different dress. Now, in Poland, and perhaps in England when I went to a wedding 20 years ago, I have seen brides change from their wedding dress into a more comfortable evening dress, or cream suit or such like. Not here. This bride got changed into a completely different wedding dress!! A proper wedding dress!!
I don't understand that.
Anyway, the evening was great. The poles have no inhibitions about dancing at all, which suits me fine!!!
And at 4:30am, much to the groom's dismay, we left the party and went back to my partner's mum's house.

And that's where the problems start!!!

I've mentioned her in an earlier blog I think. Well, staying with her is like going back to being 5 years old. As soon as we go in, she has the table set and we have to eat her homemade soup. You know, as most parents, she just wants to look after her boy. I don't really want to eat her soup but I kind of have to.
And then she brings out all sorts of pate's and polish delicacies and I have to eat them too.

Anyway, after the meal we all sit round to talk with cups of polish tea.

She is something of a worrier. Well, that's to put it mild really.
Very polish, very old-fashioned.
She and her husband split up 15 years ago. He was with another woman and still is, in fact they got married last year.
The mother has never got over it. She talks about it constantly, as well as all her other problems - the house is too big for her to look after, how she spent her whole life looking after her children, how she is getting old and her children aren't here for her etc. etc. She is only 60 and perfectly healthy.

It gets you down but you just put up with it and learn not to respond. I used to get quite angry because her situation is no different to anyone else's, but now I just accept that she feels very hard-done-by.

Anyway, then we get talking about the wedding, or rather she starts talking about in Polish and I stare at the ceiling. I get the jist because I can see my partner's eyes rolling, and see him getting red and annoyed.
She is upset because she has to get a train from Chester to Manchester ariport (as does everyone else), she is upset that we chose a place in the middle of nowhere without considering her, she is upset that she has to check out of her first hotel at 11am and not check into the wedding venue until 2pm (standard), and she is upset that she doesnt know anyone that is going and wants to sit by her children.
She is so upset that she leaves the room in floods of tears saying how it will be such an unhappy day for her.

I hold my tongue.

We have been losing sleep over our seating plan. No joke.
My parents are divorced and don't speak, my grandparents are divorced, and my partner's parents are divorced and would beat each other up if they could.
I have woken up first thing in the morning several times and had to go and re-do the seating plan.
I couldn't put my partner's siblings on a table with just one of the parents as the other parent would get jealous. So in the end I decided to take all my partners siblings, all of mine, and all of my cousins and put them on a table together, and then surround the mother with my family and some people she'd really get on with.
But now she wants her children with her.

Anyway, thankfully the father calls then to say he is outside to pick us up. So we stand up to say goodbye and I give the mother a big hug to say thank you for letting us stay and that we'd see her soon.
She stands back and exclaims 'so what, she doesn't kiss me now?'
I was so taken aback I just said 'oh sorry' and leant in again to give her 3 kisses on the cheeks, which wasn't reciprocated!
And then she closed the door on us.
I was gutted and had a real lump in my throat!
Anyway then i got quite angry really, because I had had to sit through an hour of her talking polish that I couldn't understand, getting upset about our wedding, making my partner feel awful and upset, and then she got upset because I didnt kiss her - something which is her tradition, not mine!
Grrr.....

I held my tongue.

Anyway, once we were alone, we got talking about it, and I was very diplomatic because I didnt want my partner to feel worse and I would never ever want to turn him against his mother or anything like that. But he let rip, and in the end we didnt hold back at all and we got it all out in the open and we both felt that same. We both felt like we have been kidding ourselves thinking we could have a wedding with all our family there and that they could all put their differences aside and we'd have loads of lovely family photos at the end of it. How silly we were to think that!

So now we are dreading our big day! We sat on the plane and did the seating plan again, and then we made a list of all our photos we want taking, which is just as complicated. And we just thought how much of a disaster and nightmare it was going to be.

Most people say that it is the best day of their lives, and I am dreading it!!

Anyway, a few more sleepless nights pursued. And we know that we are both quite down about it. My partner is looking into cancelling his mother's ticket and everything!

We both feel exasperated.

But this morning I woke up and as usual, my partner was already working at his desk. He came over to give me a big hug and then stood back, looked at me and asked me to marry him.
Gosh, I could have cried like I did the first time he asked. I cant tell you how I felt.

It was like he had just said, 'you know what, forget about everything else, and forget about the day, and forget about how stressed we are. I just want to marry you.'

And I gave him a big hug and thought 'we are so on the same wavelength.'

And now I can't wait again!!! As long as I can see to the end of the aisle and he is there waiting for me, I don't need to see anyone else....

Operation Baby Baby

We have just got back from the Women's Hospital.

It always seems so empty there. There are no patients waiting to be seen at all, and the staff are all really friendly and have loads of time for you.
We saw Mr. Russell this time, who was really young and very nice.
He is taking us very seriously and wanted to know if our priority will be to regulate my periods, or to have a baby.

My partner answered for me, saying that he wanted a baby as his priority, which I was made up about! I wanted to give him a huge squeeze right there and then.
He knows I have a phobia of being an old mum! It's not that I am getting old as I am only 27, but my parents were 20 when they had me, and I just think that they are such a great age now as we are on fairly the same wave-length and can still go out and have a proper friendship together.
Most of my friends parents were 10 years older than mine when they had children and you can see the difference. Of course I am going to be more the age of my friends parents when I have kids, but I just dont want to be much older than that! In my eyes, knowing what I have always wanted, 27 is about 2 years older than I wanted.

Probably all women feel this, but I kept having a little niggling thought that I was dragging my partner into this and forcing him to think about it. But just that second when he answered the doctor's question, I realised that he wants this as much as I do.

So, now all the tests start properly.
I have to have 2 blood tests this month at various stages of my cycle. Then, in December, I have to go for this lovely procedure where they fill my tubes with dye and look to see if they are all open properly with no blockages or anything. Just lovely!!
I am already taking folic acid daily which the doctor commended.

I feel like a writing a book on this!

He's a real treat

I walked in yesterday just as I caught my patner telling Alvin he was a 'real treat'! See, they do love each other.... arrrrr......

One I made earlier

Happy Birthday Jack xxxx

The Wonderful World of Rabbits

We have been living with Alvin for nearly 2 years now. This month marks his 2 year birthday.

We decided to get a rabbit because we couldn't have a dog and because I don't particularly like cats. We thought that having a rabbit would be the next best thing to having a dog but would be a lot easier and less responsibility. We could leave him on his own and he would generally take up less space and be less expensive.

Well, we got to the pet shop one evening after work, when I could not bear the suspense any longer. We got to the rabbits enclosure, and there, looking up at us was this tiny, cream rabbit with silvery blue patches and huge ears that just flopped in front of his face. He was literally a bundle.

The guy who worked in the shop informed us that this little guy was the last one they had and that we could come back in a few days when we would have more choice. As if I could leave him! And why, I wondered, was he the last one to be sold when he was just so so cute.

So he was bunged into a box and we took him home.

We decided to introduce him to his new home slowly, and so we sat the box in the middle of the living room and just opened it. Then we sat there and watched what he would do.

Nothing!

That little rabbit literally sat in that box for 2 hours! He took the odd sniff of the new air around him, but no, he was quite comfortable in that little box. It was his.

In then end, we tipped the box onto it's side and waited for the little guy to hop out. He took his time but eventually, very gingerly, he took his first steps.

Alvin, as we called him, then started making his mark on the place, literally, and we soon discovered where his favourite toilet places were so litter trays were positioned adequately, and little by little, as we discovered eaten wires and cables, and nibbled shoes, we rabbit-proofed the house.

The little chap settled in lovely and was so tame and friendly. He loved nothing more than to hop onto my knee and watch TV with me (as long as I was stroking his ears!)
He would get up on the back of the sofa and stroke my hair and lick my forehead - so so loving.

When his daddy (my partner) was doing DIY, Alvin just had to know what was going on and would help him out in his own special little way.

Whevener we had friends knock, he always had to answer the door first and find out who it was and what they wanted. He loved the attention that they showed him and loved showing off, doing pirouettes in the air and running full-speed like a locomotive back and forth through the house.

Yes, he settled in just fine.

Alvin is a house rabbit. He lives as one of the family. He goes to bed last thing at night when we go to bed. I pop him in his cage with some food, and usually he is more than happy til the morning when we wake him up. Like a child, sometimes he can't be bothered getting up and will remain lying down in his cage for a while longer. Other times he bombs it out of the cage and you see him running quickly to his litter tray!
He won't go to the loo in his cage - he's a very hygienic fluff. I've tried putting a litter tray in there for his own comfort, but after seeing he wouldn't use it, I took it out and freed up some space for him.

Alvin loves to be amongst us all, but he also has his own little places where he goes to be alone. They are special rabbit places like under the bed, or in some very small place behind a box or behind the sofa.

He also goes for little walks in the garden by himself and pretends to be really brave, eating grass and sniffing flowers, but the slightest movement or sound, he jumps up and runs back into the house. There he will start thumping his back foot to warn me that there might be a danger outside.

He is very protective of me too, and on the odd occasion one of our male friends has had to stay over, and Alvin has found them in the morning asleep on the sofa-bed, he has actually nipped them! That's the only time he has ever bitten anyone, and I can't be cross because he is just being lovely (and territorial!) and probably doing 'Daddy's job!

Alvin spends most of his day just nosying around and sniffing things. I think he looks for trouble when he wants attention as he only ever gets into trouble when we are around. He will start nibbling something he knows he shouldn't and then, when you shout at him, he will just turn round and start licking the nearest thing to him - a chair leg, a wall, a shoe. You can almost hear him saying 'what? no, don't be silly, I was just licking this shoe here. Honestly, Mum.’

Alvin is just the most affectionate little fella. He runs up to me and just does little circles round my feet. If I am ever stood for longer than a few seconds, he will come and position himself between my feet and lie-down, quite content.

If I am sat down, he will come and nestle himself as close as he can to my thigh, pressing his little body into the side of me.

If I stroke him, he will pay me back by licking my fingers. How special!

Hmmm… Alvin and my partner don’t exactly have the same relationship! I think they compete for my attention a bit and have a love hate relationship. I know they love each other because on the odd occasion that my partner has time to stroke Alvin, Alvin will grind his teeth happily, and will lick his generous stroker’s hand, affectionately.

However, Alvin does try to wind my boyfriend up a lot and will misbehave when I am around because he knows that I won’t shout at him. When I am not there, he will stay out of the way as he knows he will be shouted at if my boyfriend catches him doing something.

But when I am there, and Alvin is in his safe zone, he will push and push and push my partner and really try to cause an argument! What a clever bunny.

He is also very cheeky with him. When my partner is in his office working away, Alvin will approach the closed door. I will be in the next room doing something, thinking that Alvin is by my feet still. Then I will hear Alvin, scraping at the office door and then suddenly, by the time my partner has opened the door to shout at him, Alvin is already back at my feet licking the floor like he’s been there the whole time. He can repeat this several times before he gets told off!!

And Alvin has been known, when he is upset, to get up on our bed and wee on my partner’s pillow! Thankfully this has only happened twice so far!

I look down at him sometimes and just wonder what would have happened if he’d gone to someone else’s home, and if we hadn’t have got to the pet shop in time. Would he have the same little personality? And had we got a different rabbit, would they have the same character? I think not. Alvin is incredibly special and definitely has a very strong personality. Our life has definitely changed since we’ve had him. My boyfriend would tell you it’s changed for the worse, but I sit here now watching him as he passes Alvin a surprise baby sweetcorn and gives him a little rub behind the ears!!!!

The little dude is 1!!!

Happy Birthday Jack!!!

Little baby Jack came into world on the 11th August 2007!


Since then, he has just grown and grown, and what's more he has just grown into a real cheeky chappy! How can such a little guy, ooze so much personality?



He has been camping.....



He's been to the beach....



He's been to London....




He really is a little explorer!

I can't believe a year has gone by and our little fella is 1 already!

Happy birthday little guy xxxx

Little Pixels

Thank goodness for Pixels!

Since I moved here 6 weeks ago, I am still unemployed! Desperately seeking Betty will be seeking for a long time it seems.

There is nothing about at all, and my creativity it just waiting to explode.
Apart from that, I can't live off my partner for ever. I feel guilty every time we pay for our food shopping, and I feel guilty when I ask for little things like train fare or little cakes in the supermarket (which is actually a more regular occurence!) and I feel guilty watching him in his office working away whilst I sit on the sofa downstairs doing 'bits 'n' bobs' to feel useful.

Thank goodness for Pixel Air and it's success.
My partner has had his company for a year now and it just goes from strength to strength. I really admire him. He is the best in his field, and rather than be complacent, he challenges himself every day learning new techniques and ways to do things.
His clients are delighted with his results and what's more, he really really loves his job. He huffs and puffs that he has 'so much work to do' but between you and I, he used to sit at his desk til past midnight long before Pixel Air was started! In truth, he loves nothing more than designing websites, and he would do it even if he wasn't getting paid to do it!

Pixel Air is based in our office upstairs, although will soon be moving to bigger premises. I guess Pixel Air is one of the reasons we were able to move so far away from London. Web-based, it was easy to continue relations with all of the clients, and moving somewhere like Knutsford can only be an inspiration.
We have Manchester closeby with all of the museums and galleries, and we have lots of new contacts.

The North hasn't embraced the website culture like London. In London everyone has a website. Even the local newsagent will have a website.

One thing I realised when I was organising our wedding in North Wales, from London, was that I couldn't find any suppliers online. And it was so important to me to be able to see a website, as organising a wedding involves a lot work and research, and I really can't be bothered to phone everyone in the hope that they will have what I want. I need to see pictures easily. If a company didnt have an email, I crossed them off my list as I really didnt have time to waste in calling them, waiting for a leaflet or brochure etc, and then have to do all of our communication via a phoneline.

So we thought that could be a good thing for Pixel Air. The less companies that already have a website the better - we think!

It is 7:15pm now and my partner is still upstairs working. I have asked him to take a night off tonight as it is Friday so that I can spend time with him and, I don't know, do something really exciting like watch a film!
He has agreed! Although I know that he really wouldnt mind sitting up there all night being a little geek with his pixels!!

That's what I want.
I remember starting at my last company - oh what a dream. It was oh so creative and wonderful. I worked so hard. I loved learning new things all the time. Sunday nights I would be filled with excitement for the next day - no, really! I couldn't believe I was actually getting paid to do what I was doing.

However, things changed. Or rather, they didnt! My company was lovely for a new person to work in. Full of challenges and full of praise. But you couldn't progress and there wasn't anything new to learn. I even managed to convince the bosses to create a new role for me as a promotion - something that had never been done before - but even that, little by little, was taken away from me.
After 5 years, I was at the same level as someone who had entered the company only a few weeks ago.

Oh I loved the feeling of loving my job. To be so lucky as to go to work everyday with a spring in your step. To really try hard everyday, not because you had to, but because you wanted to. It was fantastic. I wish it could have lasted longer.

I now realise that the most important thing for me in my next job will be job satisfaction and happiness and pride - all of which I forfeited towards the end of my last job. I am willing to turn down job offers if they do not suit my requirements, because seeing how my partner works inspires to me to do the same.

The more you love your job, the more you will put into it.
Why don't bosses ever see that?

The finer details of a wedding!

We went to our wedding venue this week, to talk about the finer details.
Up until now I have been wondering, when is the stress meant to start. When we got engaged, everyone commented on how stressful it can be to get married (as well as to be married!) with all of the organisation and planning.
Well, despite being quite girly and quite creative, when it comes to things like this, I am very laid back. I think my mum would prefer me not to be so laid-back as she thinks I should definitely know exactly what I want, but I just can't really get excited about things like colours and flowers and things.

Then, this week, the stress hit!
Now I have to do seating plans and have to allocate the bedrooms in the hotel to my family. Hmmm...

Well, the hotel is beautiful and each bedroom is themed differently, so initially I just looked at each room and matched it up to each person, taking into consideration their inndividual tastes, and also how many people were sharing. Easy peasy!
However, then when I looked at where the rooms sat in comparison to each other, I realised we had a problem.

My parents are seperated and have new partners and don't speak to each other. My partner's parents are the same.
It just so happened I had put them all on the same floor and the same corridor as each other!
Then I also realised I had put my grans all on the third floor, in a hotel that has no lift!
So all of that had to be rearranged.

Don't even get me started on the seating plan - still to be tackled!

Blogging gets you everywhere

As a really keen writer, who would absolutely love to write professionally, I set up this blog as an outlet - a way to channel my creativity, a way to feel like I am actually talking to people from my lonely position on the sofa all day, and a way for me to exercise my tippy-tappy fingers!

And really that was all. I didn't think anyone would ever read it (and hoped not really as I have so much private stuff in here), least of all to show an interest in anything I have to say.

So imagine my surprise when I get a knock on the door this morning, and there, looking very dapper in his suit, notebook in hand, was a journalist from the Knutsford Guardian, wanting to do an interview about me and my partner! In some very clever, journalistic way, he had found my blog about moving from London to Knutsford and decided to do an article on it!

The picture I put up at the beginning of that particular post, was all he needed to find me (as Knutsford is quite small and everyone knows everyone!)

Well, there was me, in my absolute slob gear, no make up, hair tied up ridiculously as only you would if you were sure you weren't going to see anyone, with a big toe poking out of over-stretched pink socks, and there was Alvin, showing off as as he always do when someone new and interesting comes round! He never behaves like that when I am here on my own, but as soon as we sat down with the reporter, Alvin decides to do his sofa acrobatics, ending up sitting on my open laptop.

Anyway, it was lovely talking to this guy, and Knutsford, I think we did you proud! We said how much we loved it here and how settled we were since moving in.

I think the article will be in, in the next few weeks!

The lesser-spotted, red-footed rabbit

Well, as we have just moved in, we have been keen to put our mark on the place.

Although full of character, because our house is fairly new, it is rather bland in its colour scheme.
I do appreciate minimalism and I know it is fashionable and easy to customise, but I come from a family home full of wallpaper and experiments and 'techniques' and 'features' so I like to really add my personality. Hopefully, in a few months there will be no beige walls at all!

Anyway, whilst I am unemployed and whilst my partner is hard at work in his office, I decided to start decorating - yay!

I started with the living room and chose a lovely wallpaper for the large walls either side of the fireplace. I searched everywhere for inspiration and was eventually smacked in the face by inspiration in B&Q! Gorgeous pale green wallpaper with subtle green foliage pattern.

So that was my first thing.

My partner and I, on moving in, decided that he would have the office (the 3rd bedroom), and I would have the guest room to play with.

So, this was my next task and I really wanted to do something very different and very special.
It had to be cosy, warm and quite girly so I bought some really floral wallpaper and lovely sage green paint. I love it!!

My rabbit, Alvin is absolutely delighted with it. I have hidden all the cables and wires so now he is actually allowed in there.
If I ever can't find him, I know to look in this room which he seems to have taken for his own!!

Anyway, then I decided to add a bit of colour to the bathrooms. They were white with white bathroom suites, white walls, white floors, white ceilings, white tiles, white everything.
Now, I am the exception and do think that white bathrooms make sense, but I like a bit of atmosphere, so I chose to paint the two guest bathrooms, cranberry. It's a rich, dark red and just oozes elegance I think.

It was a bit of a chance and quite hard to use as a tiny slip onto the white ceiling or tiles, can be fatal! But I persevered and after a few hours of close, intricate, detailed painting, I stood back and admired my efforts!

But who else should come to admire the view but Alvin, the nosey rabbit.
And he got a very close-up view because he decided to run through my tray of paint!!!

In slow motion, I cried 'nooooooooooooo' as I leapt to the ground to scoop him up in my arms before he legged it upstairs, up the cream carpetted stairs, onto the cream carpetted landing, and into his favourite place, the newly decorated guest room.

Well, I caught him, to the detriment of my grey vest and jeans.

His little paws were just coated. Absolutely bright red. There was nothing for it to get a cloth to remove the wet paint from his toes and then to stick him in his cage to dry off.
My partner wanted to reprimand him (as he still hasnt learned that rabbits can't be reprimanded) but I assured him that Alvin would feel punished enough with his bright red feet when he went into the garden that afternoon - the laughing stock of the lawn.....

Knuts about home

My partner and I have just moved into our new home and we love, love, love it.
We have moved to Knutsford in Cheshire and it is just so completely far removed from our old flat in Tooting.
We have swapped our 1 bedroom ground floor flat, for a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom house in a lovely Close. We love love love it!

The town is beautiful and everyone so friendly that we are really feeling settled and homely already.
We have a pub round the corner, The Builders' Arms, where everyone says hello when you walk in. People take their dogs there and there is a garden in the back with a climbing frame.





Just across the road from us, you have a side entrance to Tatton Park, a beautiful park with deer, rabbits, free-roaming herds of sheep, all sorts.






We go for runs in the morning, covering a tiny portion of the park in proportion, but actually running 4 miles around the mere. With rabbits and squirrels and sheep dodging out of our way, and the silhouettes of antlers amongst the bracken, it is a far-cry from our morning jogs around the block and the local cemetry in Tooting.





Walking the other direction, within 5 minutes you are just walking through meadows of long long grass, with cows in fields and patches of woodland, and little brooks and lakes. It is just fantastic.



We love it more than we ever thought we would and so far we haven't missed London at all, despite secretly thinking that we would have a few withdrawal symptoms.

There are loads of lovely bars and restaurants about and quaint little boutiques.

We go to jive lessons on a Wednesday! Something we'd never have done in London!

The house is fatastic. It's a new-build about 5 years old. We ideally were looking for a Victorian / Georgian town house but that's til we actually visited Knutsford. The houses are either really really old or they are post-war boxes. The post-war boxes had no features and no character at all.
The old houses were full of character, but the ones that we could actually afford required way too much work and would end up costing way more money than we could ever afford. Also, they were tiny.

After viewing 50 houses (and that is no exaggeration) over 2 weekends of commuting from London, we finally saw this new-build, even after having specified to all of the estate agents 'No new-builds!'
But what the heck, we saw it anyway.

Anyway, I am sure it is the exception, but this new-build oozes charm and character and what's more, it is huge! It is by far, the biggest house we saw, has a lovely garden, and like I said before, has 3 bathrooms. And, it was cheaper than the flat we were selling!

Now that we have moved here, we still look at houses (especially the ones we viewed that are still on the market) and know we just made such a fantastic choice.

Our quality of life is so great and we have never been happier people. Every day is wonderful!

This used to be the kind of place we would visit to get out of London for a weekend, and we would browse the little shops and buy little home-made jars of chutney as a token of our break, and now we live here!!!

Feeling negative

Hmmmm..... well I did my first pregnancy test.

Having always wanted my first time to be a 'positive' one, I was waiting until I was either pretty sure I would be pregnant, or until I just couldn't stand the sleepless nights and the anticipation, the hope and the nerves any longer.
Well, I waited for both really. I think I'd talked myself into being pregnant!

Anyway, of course the test came out negative.
I stood there for about 5 minutes looking at the indicator, thinking 'well, I dont think it's been 3 minutes yet' despite there being a single solid pink line on the strip.
I read the box about five times to see if I was correct in thinking that only one line meant no baby.
Then I kind of started examining the whole thing, wondering how it works, when really I know.
And then I started wondering if it's because I bought the cheaper of the two that the pharmacist had offered me, and if i should have gone with the twin pack to try again.
Now I am wondering if it's because it's too early to show.

But really I know, as I secretly did before, that I am just late for my period and my body is just a bit messed up with the pill.

That big thick, bright pink line now seems so so harsh to me. It could have been bright red like a big hazard sign for all that I saw. It could have even just been a big, fat 'NO'. Cos that's what it was saying, and that's what I saw.

I didn't sleep at all last night and at points I realised that all I had thought of through the night was that I could be pregnant and if I should do a test or not.
At least I might sleep tonight.

I told my boyfriend I am feeling really ill and weak, hoping he would get all excited thinking I was pregnant, but he said he was feeling ill and weak too and that he thought it was the weather.
It's true - he was awake all night too.

I havent told him about the test. Firstly I didnt want to either worry him or to get his hopes up (whichever one really). Then, also if it was positive, I really wanted to surprise him and tell him he was going to be a dad! And then, when I had done it, I just felt quite stupid that I had done it, knowing that I can't have kids, so didnt want to tell him cos I knew how ridiculous I had been!

Oh well, hospital appointment next week. I had visions of me phoning them to cancel my appointment, believing I didn't need it any more, but no. I'll be there for more prodding and probing and hormone testing! Yey!

Unemployed

I have been unemployed for about 6 weeks now.
I handed in my notice when we decided to move up North. Well, now we have moved up North.
We sold our flat in London at just the right time, literally. I think we had an offer about a week before the media started reporting on the 'credit crunch'.
Other friends who also put their homes on the market in March, but at the end of the month a few weeks after us, are still trying to sell them.
So we were really lucky.
However, we timed it really badly in terms of me finding a job - there is just nothing.
I have been to two creative recruitment consultants as well as applying for admin etc, but there is just nothing out there.
I am really fortunate that my partner runs his own company and is really successful and can afford to look after us both for now. We also do have a bit of left-over equity which we can fall back on, although the wedding has to be paid for this week.
The recruiters I saw both say that I am 'highly employable' but that means nothing when there are just no jobs about at all.

I do, of course, blame it on the media. Why did they have to shock everyone by advertising the fact that banks weren't lending to each other and that times ahead were going to be hard. That was just a sure-fire catalyst and a reason for everyone to get scared and stop spending.
Surely, the best way to help the economy now would be for the media to suddenly say how well we are all doing, how much money there is in the country and how we are about to have a huge economic boom......

The Big Test

Oh my gosh, I missed my period.....

I feel weird. I am all syked up that I might be pregnant but am sure I just cant be.
I came off the pill 6 weeks ago, when I went for my first fertility appointment. In case you don't know, my previous hospital put me on the pill to 'regulate' me, despite knowing that I was not able to have children and was hoping to get fertility help. She assured me that it was the best thing to do.
So, when I went for my first appointment at the Women's Hospital in Liverpool, the first thing the new doctor did was to take me off the pill. Obviously, she couldn't do anything whilst I was on it.
It meant that it put me back weeks and weeks because I had a week left of my pack which I had to finish, and then the doctor said I needed 6 weeks to make sure that the pill was definitely out of my system.
Anyway, so now I don't know if I have missed my period because my hormones are a bit messed up because of my pill, or if it is because I am pregnant?
I have looked up 'early signs of pregnancy' on Google, and I don't know if, by reading that and hoping hoping hoping that I am pregnant, I have talked myself into some of the symptoms. Like having a metallic taste in my mouth, or is that because I haven't drank water for ages?
As well as not having my period, because of endometriosis, I usually bleed for 20 - 25 days of my cycle with only a 5 day break each month. This has stopped completely. There is no sign of bleeding at all.
But I don't feel sick at all, have no aversions to smell or taste or anything.
I bought a pregnancy test but I have never done one before and really wanted my first time to be positive.
And I guess I kind of don't want it to be negative because it is nice to think it is a possibility, and I want to hold on to that for as long as poss.
But at the same time, funnily enough, I am craving alcoholic drinks and for the last week and a half have had a drink every night. Well, half a shandy or a small spritzer.
And I know that most people's first sign of pregnancy is the dislike of alcohol.

Hmmm... shall I take the test or shall I hold on to this special feeling for as long as possible?