This weekend just gone we went to Poland for my partner's best friend's wedding. We were really quite excited about it really as we thought how lovely it would be to escape the not so great British summer and get a bit of sun before the wedding. We also rather enjoy a Polish wedding with all their food, drink and games and the fact that their weddings generally go on until last man standing.
And sure enough, the wedding was lovely - so relaxed, so unpretentious.
We both were amazed as we drove through the streets of Warsaw, that outside of every church, of which there are many, was not just one wedding party, but several, almost forming a queue!
There were rows of limousines and fancy cars either waiting for the couple inside the church, waiting for the couple outside the church still to go in and get married, or waiting with the next couple to go and wait outisde the church.
Brides were literally passing each other on the street!!
We got to the church that we were headed for, and quite bizarely I thought, were our friends, the Bride and Groom, standing together, being photographed, waiting to go inside the church.
They also were waiting for the previous service to end.
I found it so strange that they waited together outside, and then, when we eventually all went inside the church, the bride waited outside and then walked up the aisle to meet her groom at the altar.
Equally strange I thought was the fact that after the ceremony, the bride and groom hopped into their car, which was parked down the street, and drove themselves to the reception.
Now, they weren't on a budget and in fact they hired a really grand restaurant in the middle of a popular park for their reception, so I just wondered why they hadn't hired a car or anything to drive them.
Anyway, the meal was not so typically polish. Instead of a free-for-all where you sit wherever you like in a horse-shoe of tables, and then help yourself to the platters that are brought to your table throughout the evening, there were about 10 round tables with a seating plan, and we were served a 4 course meal. Very English!
As soon as the meal was over, the Bride went missing, only to return to the party in a different dress. Now, in Poland, and perhaps in England when I went to a wedding 20 years ago, I have seen brides change from their wedding dress into a more comfortable evening dress, or cream suit or such like. Not here. This bride got changed into a completely different wedding dress!! A proper wedding dress!!
I don't understand that.
Anyway, the evening was great. The poles have no inhibitions about dancing at all, which suits me fine!!!
And at 4:30am, much to the groom's dismay, we left the party and went back to my partner's mum's house.
And that's where the problems start!!!
I've mentioned her in an earlier blog I think. Well, staying with her is like going back to being 5 years old. As soon as we go in, she has the table set and we have to eat her homemade soup. You know, as most parents, she just wants to look after her boy. I don't really want to eat her soup but I kind of have to.
And then she brings out all sorts of pate's and polish delicacies and I have to eat them too.
Anyway, after the meal we all sit round to talk with cups of polish tea.
She is something of a worrier. Well, that's to put it mild really.
Very polish, very old-fashioned.
She and her husband split up 15 years ago. He was with another woman and still is, in fact they got married last year.
The mother has never got over it. She talks about it constantly, as well as all her other problems - the house is too big for her to look after, how she spent her whole life looking after her children, how she is getting old and her children aren't here for her etc. etc. She is only 60 and perfectly healthy.
It gets you down but you just put up with it and learn not to respond. I used to get quite angry because her situation is no different to anyone else's, but now I just accept that she feels very hard-done-by.
Anyway, then we get talking about the wedding, or rather she starts talking about in Polish and I stare at the ceiling. I get the jist because I can see my partner's eyes rolling, and see him getting red and annoyed.
She is upset because she has to get a train from Chester to Manchester ariport (as does everyone else), she is upset that we chose a place in the middle of nowhere without considering her, she is upset that she has to check out of her first hotel at 11am and not check into the wedding venue until 2pm (standard), and she is upset that she doesnt know anyone that is going and wants to sit by her children.
She is so upset that she leaves the room in floods of tears saying how it will be such an unhappy day for her.
I hold my tongue.
We have been losing sleep over our seating plan. No joke.
My parents are divorced and don't speak, my grandparents are divorced, and my partner's parents are divorced and would beat each other up if they could.
I have woken up first thing in the morning several times and had to go and re-do the seating plan.
I couldn't put my partner's siblings on a table with just one of the parents as the other parent would get jealous. So in the end I decided to take all my partners siblings, all of mine, and all of my cousins and put them on a table together, and then surround the mother with my family and some people she'd really get on with.
But now she wants her children with her.
Anyway, thankfully the father calls then to say he is outside to pick us up. So we stand up to say goodbye and I give the mother a big hug to say thank you for letting us stay and that we'd see her soon.
She stands back and exclaims 'so what, she doesn't kiss me now?'
I was so taken aback I just said 'oh sorry' and leant in again to give her 3 kisses on the cheeks, which wasn't reciprocated!
And then she closed the door on us.
I was gutted and had a real lump in my throat!
Anyway then i got quite angry really, because I had had to sit through an hour of her talking polish that I couldn't understand, getting upset about our wedding, making my partner feel awful and upset, and then she got upset because I didnt kiss her - something which is her tradition, not mine!
Grrr.....
I held my tongue.
Anyway, once we were alone, we got talking about it, and I was very diplomatic because I didnt want my partner to feel worse and I would never ever want to turn him against his mother or anything like that. But he let rip, and in the end we didnt hold back at all and we got it all out in the open and we both felt that same. We both felt like we have been kidding ourselves thinking we could have a wedding with all our family there and that they could all put their differences aside and we'd have loads of lovely family photos at the end of it. How silly we were to think that!
So now we are dreading our big day! We sat on the plane and did the seating plan again, and then we made a list of all our photos we want taking, which is just as complicated. And we just thought how much of a disaster and nightmare it was going to be.
Most people say that it is the best day of their lives, and I am dreading it!!
Anyway, a few more sleepless nights pursued. And we know that we are both quite down about it. My partner is looking into cancelling his mother's ticket and everything!
We both feel exasperated.
But this morning I woke up and as usual, my partner was already working at his desk. He came over to give me a big hug and then stood back, looked at me and asked me to marry him.
Gosh, I could have cried like I did the first time he asked. I cant tell you how I felt.
It was like he had just said, 'you know what, forget about everything else, and forget about the day, and forget about how stressed we are. I just want to marry you.'
And I gave him a big hug and thought 'we are so on the same wavelength.'
And now I can't wait again!!! As long as I can see to the end of the aisle and he is there waiting for me, I don't need to see anyone else....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment