Mumbai Under Attack

It was only 6 weeks ago that we were sat in Leopold's drinking one night after sitting on Chowpatty beach having our evening picnic.
We were delighted to have the opportunity to sit somewhere that we had all read about and which we knew so well through just reading Shantaram. The place oozed with recent history and was so special to us all.
The staff were so friendly and equally in awe of it's famous customer, Linbaba.

Last night, Leopold's came under attack by gunmen. The news is still breaking so we don't know who was injured, but the photos show bullet holes in the windows.

A more obvious place for terrorists to attack, but no less upsetting, is the majestic Taj Mahal hotel, a popular attraction equally for wealthy western businessmen and for backpackers taking an hour to sit in the fabulous tea rooms and restaurants to taste a piece of India's more opulent side.

It seems everyone was targetted, with no qualms about hurting nationals, tourists, rich or poor.

Opening fire in the main train station bares testimony to this. Having been there myself very recently and seeing the platforms absolutely packed - really packed - with people from all walks of life, it is apparent that the culprits were not interested in who they killed in their pursuit of whichever cause they were fighting for. Homeless people, beggars, children, mothers, fathers, businessmen and tourists all use the station on a daily basis.

To see the horror of the gunmen storming down the main road through Mumbai, the road we knew so well from spending 2 nights in our hotel on it, was terrifying. They were sparing no one.

It is said that the terrorists were asking for British and Americans to bring forward their ID in Leopolds, but in an all-out attack on a train station and busy road, it is impossible to seperate one nationality from another, whatever their reasons for doing so.

Mumbai just seemed such an innocent and vibrant place. It was bustling and hectic and we did get unwelcome attention from beggars, but they are now the people that I think of the most and pray that they were unharmed.

I also pray that there were no other Intrepid groups there at the time. It seems ridiculous to think that, as there are so so many people affected, but I guess you pray for those closest to home first and the ones you can identify with personally.

The trauma all these people have gone through, whether they were injured or not, is just immense. I just can't imagine a cause great enough for this to happen.

Cold Call

Brrr.... brrrr....

Me: Hello?

Caller: Good morning ma'am, it is sbvkjnk calling from dklsjksja Travel, can I speak to snskj gdmjsdldgjmldkmgl please? (strong Indian accent)

Sorry?

Good morning ma'am, it is sbvkjnk calling from dklsjksja Travel, can I speak to Mrs Peterson please?

Speaking

Good morning ma'am, how are you today?

Fine thank you..... how are you?

Very good, thank you for asking. Ma'am your name and number have been specially selected and how would you like to be rewarded with free holidays?

....Pause....

How would you like to have free holidays to destinations all over the world?

Sure.

You can stay in any country all over the world.

Free holidays?

Ma'am, have you ever been to Australia or New Zealand?

Nope

Well, you could stay in a hotel for 6 days with another day for free!

Ok, but who pays?

Ok, and you get 15% reduction on your flights

But who pays the other 85%?

Ma'am, no you get 15% reduction. Very cheap flight, very competitive.

But who pays the 85%?

No, no, ma'am, 15% discount for you. You can also stay in Europe anywhere you like, at any time in the years. You can have up to 8 holidays in one years.

For free?

Ma'am, you get a very good discount

So, I don't have to pay for anything at all? It is all free?

Ma'am there is a one-off payment for £499 and then you get holidays for 2 years

But you said it was free?

No, TWO. Two years. One-off payment.

So, it's not free?

Ma'am for 2 years you get very good prices on your holidays

But it's not free?

Ma'am, nothing in life is free

But when you called up, you said I get free holidays

Yes, you get very good deals, cheap flights, discount hotels

But not free?

What do you mean?

I have to pay?

You have to pay £499 one-off payment

And then my holidays are free?

No, you get good discount rates. 15% off flights to Australia, we help you find good flights

But I have to pay for them?

Ma'am, we give you 15% discount

So, they're not free?

Ma'am nothing in life is free

But you said I would get free holidays?

....Pause.......

Free holidays then?

.....Hang up phone.........

Playing the waiting game

Yesterday was the HSG I had been dreading for so long. A horrid, intrusive examination to find out if there is something wrong with me, the results of which I won't know for 3 whole months.
It marks the end of our examinations for now and also the beginning of a long wait.
The doctors have our results but stupidly we have to wait til our next appointment. I can't believe that from August, when we had our last apoinment, there were no available dates til February in which to see us!
Next week it will be a year since we first went to the hospital (not to mention the 8 years I have been going to the doctors to petition to them to send me to the hospital) and where are we exactly? We have not started treatment, we don't know what's wrong, we are no more wiser than when we started. It makes me sick sometimes to think about it.
Al and I have taken matters into our own hands and are both taking zinc tablets and I have Agnus Castus three times a day, although not knowing what it is that's wrong with us, it might all be for nothing.
It's amazing that the fate of your future and of your children is in other people's hands and the results are all there written on a piece of paper. The only people that can't see the results are the ones that are affected by them the most.

I went into the scanning room and was asked to give a water sample before undressing and putting on one of those awful hospital gowns (you know, with the open back).
Then I was sat down and a nurse sat next to me to discuss all the risks involved, have me sign lots of disclaimers, and to tell me what I was about to go through.
Then another nurse came in holding my pot in her hand and informed me that I was not pregant. You don't say!

The examination was uncomfortable enough. A girl younger than me carried it out whilst two others watched the screen where the pictures of my fallopian tubes and womb were being transmitted to. I couldn't help thinking how unnatural this was. It's the most natural thing in the world to have a baby, and here I am being prodded and probed and radiated.
Too much thought has gone into it. I wanted dearly to never have to 'try' for a baby but for it to surprise me nicely and for everyone to be amazed and excited.
Now it's almost like a chore and if it ever does happen, everyone will be like 'well, thank God, at last!'
I never want to have to lie in bed with my legs raised against the wall - I don't want it to be that forced.
I've got a pack of ovulation testing strips next to my bed, and a thermometer - I feel like a machine - one that doesn't work.

I felt like I had the worst period pains on that table, and I felt so ridiculous with a horrible tube inside me. So undignified. One day my kid is going to ask me where they came from, and I'll have all sorts of tales to tell about blood tests, and samples and doctors, and instruments and thermometers!

What's really got me this week is this awful story about Baby P who was killed following a year of abuse and toture from his mother and her partner. How the heck can people like that have children and not me??? I know, I have turned the story on its side and being very selfish about it. The story is not about me at all. But it does make me question why some people can have kids and others can't.
How can that mother not be grateful for what she has been given though? How can she not love it like I already love my future children?
And it upsets me too as I have been looking into adoption, and in this country it can take from 2 to 10 years for an adoption to go through - that long. I could have looked after Baby P and he'd have been healthy and happy and loved.
I have to go through all kinds of tests and interviews to be able to look after a child. My home has to be visited and I have to be analysed. But any evil and cruel person can give birth to a child and not have any of these tests!!! How does that work??

I don't know. I am feeling so low and fragile at the mo and it just cannot be doing me any good at all, especially in trying to have a baby. Let's forget about the hospital yesterday and just keep going.