Private Parts

I'm a notoriously private person. I'm not the kind of person to indulge in girly talking about personal matters. I cringe when my female colleagues come in and announce they are 'on' or that they have bladder infections or anything like that.
I dont talk about sex, female problems or anything really that is private and personal to me.

So when I have had to go in and out of doctors and talk about my period pains and worse, it has just been horrible.

I kept it a secret for ages that I was having problems. I even kept it a secret from my boyfriend (I hate him knowing that I'm on my period and would prefer to just avoid him touching me, knowing that he will realise in a few days).
And then eventually I started to email a friend about it. I was very concerned in case she really didnt want to talk about that kind of thing, and sure enough she never did comment. She would reply to my emails but never ever mentioned the things I wanted her to talk about.
So in the end, I went to the doctor again.

I had been a few times in the last 5 years and each time had been tested for chlamydia, been told I was negative, and then given another contraceptive pill to take. The pill would work for a few months and then all the symptoms would break through again.
But when I actually started to get really bad symptoms - awful pain and discomfort and nausea and all sorts of things - I went to see my new doctor and finally was taken notice of.

But it was awful talking about all those things with her and every time I mentioned the word 'Sex' I would say it in a very quiet, hushed voice, almost hoping she hadn't heard what I had said.

When I got told a few weeks later that I had endometriosis and then that I couldnt have children, I was devestated and almost wished I would have been so much more forthcoming in the past few years. Perhaps I would have known sooner and been able to do something about it.

Anyway, then I had to go to the doctors with my boyfriend and talk about it all in front of him. Women's things!

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not prudish at all. But I just don't like to talk about it. I don'tknow - I just like to keep thos ethings to myself and I think I like to protect my boyfriend from it all really. When my friends talk about periods and PMT and urine infections I just think it is so unflattering. Not that I am vain or think I am super-human or anything. I just don't really want people to associate me with that kind of thing. There are definitely some people that I know and I just could never really get over the fact that they had told me something a bit sordid or a bit personal. I dont want people to think of me like that.

And when I had to tell my mum and dad about it all, that was hard too, because I felt that we were almost talking about sex (even though we weren't at all), but come on, you have to have sex to have kids, and there I was talking about fertility treatment with them.

Loads of people have such open relationships with their parents and they talk about everything. Well, my parents are like my best friends - they really are - I can talk to them about everything, and I speak to them every few days for like an hour each. But, I dont talk about sex with ANYONE.

So now I face the prospect of loads more testing and then fertility treatment which I know is important, but at the same time, so so so invasive. The thing I least like to talk about, is going to be the thing I am going to have to talk most about - with a lot of people!