Getting excited for a new challenge

Oh I love the feeling of suddenly realising what it is that you are supposed to do, even if you're not quite sure how to go about doing it.

Leaving my job in June was a big thing for me. It was a chance to just think about what I wanted.
I started by applying for very similar creative roles like my old job, thinking that that was definitely the best thing - move up the ladder in something I know how to do.

But then I realised that I really wasn't filled with excitement about the prospect of a new job and I was only really half-heartedly looking.

I started thinking to myself that this is really a very special opportunity. I am out of employment, getting paid nothing whatsoever, no benefits or anything. Any money is better than none at all. So I am in a position to start again on minimum wage and train to do anything I like.

Well, initially that filled me with dread to tell the truth. What a burden to try and think of something I really want to do. All kinds of things went through my head - the kinds of things that most people would love to do.
But still, I never got enthusiastic about anything.

And then it came to me. The answer to my question was within me the whole time. It was in my beliefs and personality and I suddenly realised that I want to help people.
The pride I want to have in a job, and the reward I want to feel all comes from making a difference to someone else. I've never really felt true pride. I've never really felt true job satisfaction. I know I've come home having nailed a range of cards I'd designed, but I never went to bed feeling truly proud and happy that I'd done it.

I weighed up the differences between studying to be a teacher, and applying for roles within a healthcare setting, and decided that I would feel more fulfilled in a hospital capacity, and so now the search begins.

It fills me with a huge amount of excitement to feel that I can start from scratch, start studying again, have goals, and learn so much.

I remember my old commute to work, when the first half of the journey would be shared with rowdy kids on their way to school. Sometimes you could hear them comparing what boring subjects they had that day and what homework they'd had to do the night before, or on the bus that morning. I just remember feeling so jealous that they were going to learn all those new things that I had actually loved learning when I was in school.

I can't lie and say that I didn't study when I was in school. I didn't try really hard or anything, but I did study because I actually really enjoyed it. I loved revising for exams and sitting the exam knowing that you were going to do really well.

And that's what I want now. I want to go into a role, not knowing too much, and just taking on so much knowledge and learning new skills and coming home every night to tell my husband all about the new procedures I've learnt.

So now I am going through the NHS website everyday, applying for anything I think I stand a chance in getting. I haven't been to med school or anything so I am unaware of the diverse range of opportunities out there. I could be equally as excited about going into a job that helps new born babies, as I could going into an environment which helps cancer patients. As long as I know that I am contributing somehow to someone's health and happiness, that will be the biggest excitement.